So...

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What?

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In other news, I've been rather moody lately, and I've been putting pretty high demands on people. I think I know why.

In the simplest terms, people, I'm lonely.

Ugh, gag. Sounds pathetic, huh? Well, it feels pathetic. I hate this. I end up making myself look stupid and desperate and many other very unattractive things. It's not the person I want to be. What really sucks is that I see it happening, and I can't stop the course.

So if I've jumped to conclusions or placed undue demands on you, I apologize. (Treasure it. I hate to apologize.) It seems like all of the people I end up relying on for certain things all move away.

That's one of the things I treasure in Greg the most these days: he really is the one constant in my life, and you should all thank him for taking the brunt of this. It really makes me more bearable to the rest of you, trust me.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my friendships. I'm not an easy person to BE friends with, I know. I wish I could label for you what it is I am looking for, or what quality I need out of my friendships. I don't know.

Believe me, though, the older I get, the more difficult it seems to be to make friends, and I'm at a point in my life that I do need to make friends.

I don't know what else to say on that right now. Just, I'm lonely.

Practice, Practice

Stupid microphone.

Testing

Move along, move along. Just your basic "hey, I got a cam" post.

Nothing to see here.

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Damnit, I said move along.

On The Rise

Me? Obsessed? I don't know what you're talking about.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye...

I have declared that I am GOING OUT SOMETIME THIS WEEK.

And some of you bitches are going WITH me. I've been wanting to go out again for a while, but things just never seem to be right. So get a hold of me. I want to go out!!! I don't want to do it alone, either!

Thank You, Gay.Com

I've been getting back into the habit of practicing yoga, and I have gay.com to thank for it.

You see, not long ago, I was visiting a friend of mine, and when I went to use the bathroom, I saw myself in a huge mirror. Ladies and gentlemen, I am fat. It struck me then how brave it is to even own a mirror so big!

How does gay.com have anything to do with this? Well, gay.com has just updated their website. Disastrously. They have so much down time, and the site was so poorly tested that I have not been sitting online at night chatting, looking for god only KNOWS what (not that I'd be likely to find it there, even if I DID know what I was looking for!)

Instead, I've been getting back into my yoga practice. I've been watching this video, in particular, and similar videos. The grace, the beauty that this guy moves with is amazing to me. I will probably never be as flexible as this guy is, but I want to cultivate some part of that grace in myself.

What I really want to do is to find what my body was designed to do. You know how when you're watching an animal do what it was born to do? A golden retriever fetching things, or a herding dog running in huge circles around a field? And how beautiful they look, doing what their bodies were created to do? Well, I want some part of that. I wish I could find what my body was designed to do, so that maybe I could make myself look how I should look. Sappy as it is, I want to be beautiful.

So there you go. I'm trying to take all of this wasted energy and desire and do something constructive with it. We'll see how it goes.

Now I'm pissed

I had an awesome post set up, but then my computer came unplugged, and I lost it.

This sucks. I can't rewrite that right now. I'll try later on. In the mean time, know that I'm here.

***Edit***

I've just discovered that my favorite program for LJ still works for Blogger., and IT automatically saves stuff.

I'm much relieved, but I am still disappointed at that last post.