I haven't been as productive in general as I'd like.
I think that I am lonelier than I realize, and I'm slightly worried that a curse could come true. Being lonely isn't the same as being alone, of course, but lonely isn't fun.
I find myself at an odd situation in my life. At the age of 35, where do I go to make new friends? Especially since I never have money to spare to go out with. As a child, I didn't make friends easily, and believe me, it does not get easier as you get older.
Another obstacle is that I'm fairly specific on what it is I want. Most of my friendships have been of the intense variety, and I must confess I prefer it that way. Most people my age don't have the time for the intensity I so desperately miss. In one's thirties, if you're going to invest a lot of energy into a relationship, they want it to be THE relationship, and I don't need that. I have that.
I just need the rest. Kinda' funny that the part everyone else finds so easy is the difficult part for me, and the part that everyone finds so difficult is the part I've had for years.
I guess this is why I have these little white pills. To carry me through it.
*hug*
ReplyDeleteI'm not productive anymore either and I find myself fairly lonely recently.
I have taken all this energy and put it into making myself healthier physically: eating better, fairly intense bike ride 3 times a week, aerobics and light yoga for an hour everyday. I'm hoping that if I can get myself together physically then maybe mentally will come easier.
Love you, Jimmy.